Saturday, August 29, 2009


In keeping with my get-out-and-move attitude, I went mall walking, Liv in tow, both yesterday and today despite Rebekah and Avery's absence. The solitude was somewhat of a welcome change given some recent events, but I'll be honest in that we didn't walk nearly as far as when our counterparts join us. And, well, we both missed the company.

There is beauty in the mall just before it opens. We arrived at different times each day. While I'd like to say that this was done intentionally (to stray from routine in case some demented psychopath is stalking me), truth be told, we just couldn't get ourselves out the door. It's interesting how quickly I can get us moving when there is a set meeting time with another person. Even if Liv throws up half her breakfast, we are in the car by a certain time and at the mall within 10 - 15 minutes of the agreed upon hour. Yesterday we had to get there early due to a cable appointment conveniently scheduled for 11am - 1pm, and today there was no rush so when Olivia spit up most of her breakfast, I didn't care that I had to change her nor did I rush.

Seeing the mall at these two times made the walks different. It's intriguing how much difference an hour makes. The stores don't open until 10am, so with an 8:15am arrival, it's much more placid, verging on eerie. Without the friendly discourse, I am forced to pay attention to the subtle nuances -- employees arriving, stores preparing for the day, fellow walkers, and even a retiree social club. I noticed that there are two types of music that pipe through the speakers. In the high end section of the mall, light, classical music plays, but in the more heavily traveled area of the mall, there is an adult contemporary sound. The shift occurs quickly and most likely goes unnoticed by most. I consider this as a bell chimes in the background; I had never noticed that one marked every quarter of the hour. The quiet of the building allowed me to ponder how things had been going: Liv getting her cast off and adjusting to the orthopedic brace, all the things I needed to buy (clothes for work, office supplies, wine, Chick-fil-A -- I didn't say that my purchases were absolutely necessary), which led me to consider my return to work after Labor Day. Olivia will be headed to day care; the transition is both exciting and nerve-wrecking. Being alone with just my thoughts created this refreshing stream of consciousness. After 45 minutes we jetted back to the car, sticking to the original schedule so that we could be home to greet the cable guys.

Today we arrived about 1 hour after yesterday's time, and the atmosphere was a sharp contrast to the day before. The mood was lighter with more electricity in the air. I found myself walking faster without trying. The smells even seemed to be bolder. This proved problematic since I had $3 on me and was trying not to spend it on food. (Chick-fil-A makes these incredible chicken biscuit mini-sandwiches...) The stores are on the verge of opening, and the energy was exciting. I thought more about the clothes I needed to buy, staring at the windows, mentally salivating at the designs, trends, and colors for the season. I consider what I should spend and what fit I should gravitate toward. Just the day before, I flipped through Frank's J. Crew catalogue but set it down exclaiming, "Mmm, these styles just don't look good in fat." There is still so much more weight that I would like to lose, so it doesn't make sense to spend a lot of money on clothes that I hope will fall off me in the near future. To me it's a conundrum; the more money I spend, the better the variety, fit and/or quality of clothing, but I may only wear the clothes for a month (if all goes as planned). At that point I will need more clothes. It's cyclic until I reach my goal weight and frustrating. For some reason, I am reminded of a woman I met the day before who told me that she named her newborn daughter so that the initials spelled J.E.M. My thought: as in And The Holograms?

This leads me to the pondering that stuck with me as the day went on; it occurred as the Clover Hill Wine Outlet was opening: I wonder how early they do tastings...

Don't worry, I didn't go in. This time.

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